When I went to court, my judge's name was Honorable Ball. I couldn't stop laughing.
that probably didn't help your case.
He can hate all he wants but were fucking with these crocs on
Thanks for holding onto me so I didn't fall in my pee in that parking lot. You're the best boyfriend ever.
Just had a tv talk show interview in my mirror. Got into to some pretty heavy shit man, would have made good viewing.
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I'm in the room..It's full of lost souls and sadness. I can taste the salt of their tears. This final might take a few freshman today..
Casually brushing the Bacardi out of my hair. It's a good time to ponder regretting everything that happened last night.
It was like inception, a dream, in a dream, in the back of a dodge charger.
I am significantly less than sober now. Gonna make like, ten hotdogs.
my mom called me mid shot and i accidentally answered and kept calling her my own name. somehow i thought that would help the situation.
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Can you bring me a corn dog or something shaped like one?
How is there no taco emoji?! That's some bullshit.
Soooo we should kick it sometime when it's like light outside. Drink outta cups.. Be bitches. 7, 6, 3, 5.. 4, 2, 1... Sschhkiddaellladiieessscchk
just once i'd like to actually BE there for your crazy drunk stories instead of just getting the play-by-play by people who can't remember half of it
At one point I was convinced he was a snake and was going to eat me And I just accepted it
My vagina feels like a chupacabra ripped me apart using its mythological set of needle pointed teeth
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