My roomate just said the he would "tap dat" to the 13 out of control girl on maury. Im finding a new place in the morning.
I still can't believe I found a dildo in my ceiling today.
she wants me to meet her parents and she hasn't even met my penis yet.
I really wish you were half the slut you're sister was in college
He asked me to coffee and I had no choice but to be honest. So naturally I told him that sobriety and monogomy are not two of my strong suits.
Looks like a significant portion of my drinking money just became legal fees.
I just puked behind a tree outside work, then walked past my manager with puke in my hair. Man, I'm gonna miss this when I get a real job.
I just made SCOTCHSICLES. no further info is necessary
I want to be stormed in. I want to be stuck there. I want to climb a pyramid of strippers to safety
then she lifted her dress, tweaked her own nipples, and then ordered another round for everyone. this place is wild at 9pm.
omg sorry but i tried to stop you when you were at your drunk limit but i took my eyes off you for like 2 seconds and you suddenly appeared with hard liquor in both hands for yourself and downed them and it was downhill from there
And my parents said I crawled through the house
I tried to avoid catching feelings but then he took me out to breakfast
Anytime he goes down on me i automatically think of you cheering me on. Your a good friend.
Passed out in someones front yard last night. Got woke u?p by a lady walking her dog at 6am. Rock bottom.
Randomize
