cant believe you said you would bone perez hilton
i said paris hilton
thats even worse
AHHHH!!! note to self never google image chastity belt omfg
Just woke up in bed, AC on high, with a fresh pack of smokes, an unopened pint of vodka, and a bag w a beef patty w cheese in it. I think my roommate's like the toothfairy or something. Or that was way more Xanax than I needed.
it only takes four glasses of wine for me to ride an elephant with a stranger.
so he was shitfaced and kept using sticky notes to label everything like "beer spill" and "going to fuck later"
Who's got a bloodstream full of margaritas by 2pm? Not you, that's for sure, because you've got one of those "real" jobs.
and then the entire party sang the national anthem a capella around the keg.
Things in my bed this morning: a Waffle House hat, a finding nemo DVD, sharpies, my graduation robes and an adult diaper. Did we play drunk scavenger hunt again?
did the fire alarm go off at the party last night I kind of remember a fire alarm noise
omg omg i ripped it out of the ceiling omg
I cunt my lip shaving. That's not a typo, it's a placement clue
Idk man, most things I eat are even better than I expected. Like when I drunkenly put mac and cheese on a slice of cheese pizza or when I soberly put mac and cheese into a Taco Bell burrito.
She has dubbed herself the Pied Piper of Penis and keeps yelling about getting Cocktober started... Will send pix soon
Nothing like a near-death experience to start off your Thanksgiving...
thanks for not wanting to stay all night or talk or anything, nice to have a fuck buddy who really doesnt take the buddy part serious
I'm all about the fuck
Is it sad that my idea of a quality foursome would involve one person eating me out while the other two rub my feet?
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