Finally jerked of with a banana peel.
You wouldn't stop crying and screaming Hilary Duff doesn't deserve Gossip Girl
He gave a passionate hug to every tree on the way to my car.
shes perfect for him. shes never seen a penis so she has nothing to compare his to.
what are we doing this weekend?
I have enough booze to get us through Armageddon...which basically means that on Sunday we will have to make a trip to the liquor store.
She sent me a map and directions for a booty call. In a park. Give me reason not to marry her.
I'll send you the picture of you double fisting vodka bottles, grinding one guy and making out with another... Every girl wanted to be you.. You make me so proud!
Life Lesson #1 of 2013: double-fisting shower beers and shaving my bikini line should be reserved for two different showers.
We need to talk about the sailor moon porn. Do what you want in your room, but I don't want to come home to you cranking it on the couch to that.
I dealt with the imported moonshine, but when the cocaine came out, I had to get the fuck out of there
Se wrote an essay in class about proper and fashionable winter wear for dogs. Of course I regret fucking her.
I see you listening to my get shitfaced playlist on spotify. glad we're on the same page tonight there's a drink waiting for you downstairs.
But on a side note, how the fuck do you "accidentally " get peed on
U wanna come over and watch talidaga nights. Ill make pancakes
What? It's 130 in the morning.
Aww come on i make bomb ass pancakes
Did a 4 pm walk of GLORY the next day.
Randomize
