This show inspires me to have sex in space
Needless to say they were not happy to find out that we braided their hair together, when one of them woke up needing to puke bad
i'm having taco bell mild sauce and tums for breakfast because i'm hungover and thats all i can find. it's like thanksgiving up in here
I'm dressed like a deranged cupcake. Let's get fucked up.
I woke up with a russian doll attached to my necklace and a post-it note with "keep babushka safe" written on it. Fuck vodka
Just threw up in the MSO airport men's room. We're at that point this morning.
I woke up with a bloody knee, 6 burn marks on my thigh and glitter nails If anyone asks I'm going to say You came into town
Then, she put flavored warming oil on my dick and was amazed when something she bought FROM SPENCER'S almost burned my dick off.
You were spooning an empty magnum of white wine in the middle of the bed so I slept on the couch
Well at least there's no more confusion about your place in my life. Wine > pizza > your dick > the rest of you.
Love you...
There are some things you can ever unsee. And walking in on your dad jerking off is one of those things.
Maybe why that's why I'm perpetually single... I can't find a guy with bigger balls than mine.
The sex definitely would have been a perk. But not sitting in a ditch was what I was going for...
Probably going to live on vodka sodas and fireball shots
apparently I kept repeating I have a to do list this summer and he's on it
The abomination is in progress. At least one barista side eyed me and the other has fear in her eyes
Randomize
