I yelled "Coming in hot." before penetrating. Im pretty sure she loved it.
LA Sucks. The only way i can get laid is if i tell people im at a law firm that represent film producers.
And when they figure it out, they act like IM shallow.
Woke up next to a half eaten California burrito. It was tucked in.
He kept moaning America instead of Erica while fucking me.
It's a self-perpetuating puke chain.
She gave me a handjob at the dinner table while her dad was carving the turkey. I made eye contact with him. Im pretty sure he knew.
do you think if she looks enough like a dude i have to come out to my parents?
I have Denny's hours of operations written on the palm of my hand....not in my writing, in a girls writing, is that as good as or equal to a cell number?
Watching elf, eating a tub of ice cream, and coming to terms with the fact that I haven't had sex in 5 months. Happy fucking holidays.
those kids just got delivered to the party by the pizza guy
He is like the "hometown sweetheart", but a huge freak. Like "I'll come change your flat tire"....but then fuck you like an animal in the back seat.
Do you know how hard it is to be while you're high with a chuck Norris poster in the bathroom?
The multiple male orgasm is a real thing. I've seen it. I've caused it. I called him a unicorn.
Did you just email Kelly and I gay dinosaur erotica?
are you really asking me this. do you KNOW how many times i masturbate in a day? yeah. wrong person to ask about romance.
Randomize
