i think he might wanna be bffs again, but idk cause we're friends again but we haven't been bff since like a year. i don't know what to think...
wow. what a nail bitter. i need popcorn for this. brb
OMG I just tried to text you something dirty but accidentally texted the obama campaign
too bad being hungover isnt a job. just threw up from 9am to 5pm
it was really bad. he went around saying "I want you inside of me" to everyone.
sweet and enthusiastic is code for tiny dick.
i was taking a dump when this random girl ran in, puked all over my lap, then passed out on the floor
did you bang her?
seriously?
my mom sold the house because of the grow room the couple saw i had in the basement.
people at meijer look at you funny when you have 37 bottles of champagne in your cart.
I'm not sure if it was sex or spear fishing. He goes in for it like he's crash landing a rocket
Won't anyone wonder why I'm mute, bald, and wearing an eye patch?
She said my new name was "ranch" because I "looked delicious"
DO IT, or I'll send you pictures of my hickey to remind you of your loneliness
Shame?!? Shame only comes from getting naked in front of strangers and it not being awesome
He understood my need for pizza was more important than my need for sex. He's the one.
You grabbed my shirt and said, "hope you're not attached" and ripped it off before I could answer you.
Randomize
