I just put my retainer in and it tastes like weed
i just bought plan b at the bus station. happy holidays and welcome to a new level of white trashiness.
Time to do stuff I know I'll have to hide from my grandkids one day and everyone at next weekends wedding.
Woke up Christmas Eve morning with my face smelling like ballsack.. No regrets.
Is "you left your socks here, please come get them" a good way of saying "come fuck me?"
Remember those girls from the bar? The tall and short blondes?
Is this a story I am going to hate you for?
Nothing like playing hide and seek with a state patrol officer early in the morning to get your heart rate up.
You will never be paid again to get drunk and tell off cops without being arrested. Once in a lifetime opportunity
You're right. Fuck my job. I'm in.
I like her. She smells like old lady but tastes like whiskey
Did I leave the house with out a shirt or socks?
Yea, you said you didn't need them cause she was going to take them off anyways and that it would "save time".
Bourbon is too strong for my cat, he does not want to drink it
I'm drunk and he's still weird.
Apparently I have a "problem" because I enjoy doing bong rips in the shower
I'm seriously scared right now. Woke up next to 3 geese and a lot of feathers ..
Why is the toilet broken? Why did I wake up naked in the shower, hugging a bath mat? WHY IS THE TOILET BROKEN?
Is it just clogged or something?
No! There are actual chunks of toilet on the floor.
Randomize
