I just had my first uncircumcised penis. I kept staring at it like the foreskin was going to fall off on its own.
I felt weird they were both staring at me waiting for the scoop on how your vagina felt.
It's sore actually
is it bad that listening to the rabbi's wife talk about how we should only be with one person is making me really, really horny for no string attached sex
Don't make it weird, I don't think about you when I'm climaxing, it's just that I see you rooting me on.
I always hoped that one day I'd have a sex position named in my honor.
but im not going to tell the owner of the penis of my dreams how to wear his hair.
She pulled me up to my feet by my hair. I thought it was you for a second. My drunken angel savior.
Most drunken moment of the night is me pouring Chanel no. 5 all over your boobs and rubbing it in...
Got to use the phrase "sweet pukas dude." My day is made.
It doesn't count as "finding the lesbian" if you fuck a straight girl!
Eh, I don't question what my penis likes. It just does what it does.
So I'm hiding in my bathroom smoking bowls because my landlords kids came over to visit my dog... My life has reached a new low
I just want to sit in my tub, drugged out of my mind, and watch the green lantern cartoon while the world as we know it ceases to exist outside my bathroom door, Okay? Is that REALLY too much to ask?
I can guarantee he will smoke me out and I won't feel bad about it because he gets to touch my butt.
Found your brother. He was passed out in the tub holding a bottle of Shatto milk wearing nothing but his tighty-whities.
Randomize
