Great date with Damon, but I'm not sure if telling him I like lesbian porn is a good second date discussion.
Never let Scott cook bacon and eggs at 2am while drunk. You should have seen the flames.
How would one go about tricking someone into chugging an entire bottle of tequila?
You said your face felt like it was made out out of boxes and kept asking me to give you a bath.
Don't ask how or why, but I think the 775 on the inside of my lip is permanent
Our 450 pound cab driver smells like McDonalds and sunblock with a touch of vodka. Correction I smell like vodka.
My mom opened up my bank statement today....my first alcohol intervention class is at 7:30am tomorrow.
I'll have party bus drop you off in the morning.
He's claiming he can open a beer bottle with anything. He's been trying for a while now with a power rangers action figure and he is just cutting the hell out of his hand. There is blood all over billy
So I just realized I have three bananas, seven condoms, three lube packets, three tampons, and a shot glass in my bag but no pen #modelstudent
Why did I see a weird snapchat of you barking at McDonald's last night?
He said he was a banker. Then he told me he made 15 an hour. I said he was a shitty banker then fucked his friend.
It wouldn't be New Years Eve if we knew where we would be at midnight
Dude, he danced with the dog that some random chick was carrying at the bar. Then the dog jumped out of his arms and ran away. THAT definitely deserves a drink.
I wore the clothes I got arrested in last night to work today.....there is no where but up from here!
I just volunteered myself to get tazed this should get interesting
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