I put my bosses number in my phone as "Do not call," I shouldve known my drunk curiosity would overcome any desire I had to keep my job.
again?
we were spooning and you were the big spoon but you insisted that I call you "the ladle"
she was most def 27.5% uglier than a troll, but the sex was great
Blowjobs in the shower are a lot like blowjobs not in the shower. Awesome.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You told me to pour the Gatorade on you "like Flashdance"
I guess I just stopped wanting to rip his balls out and started being okay with him being alive. that's a typical feeling for exes right?
Can't keep a straight face around her after she asked me to "make fuck to her."
I remember because you made a pirate noise when you came.
Can someone please explain where the fish in the mason jar came from when we were at a bar all night?
You told the bartender if he gave you one of the fish you'd go away
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
he told me "apparently my gag reflex doesn't work so if you magically grew a penis I would deep throat you"
My dad just accidentally taught me how to make fake IDs. I love my life.
I asked him for something to clean up with after sex and he handed me a sham wow. A SHAM WOW
Ask me if I'm sitting naked in a lawn chair eating a block of cheese waiting for a bacon grilled cheese sandwich
Every day I wake up and there is no spectacular morning wood waiting for me I get so sad.
We're both fucking guys named Frank. Our friendship was meant to be.
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