Do you think they could tell I was high on that conf call?
First night home from college and I already forgot that walking around nearly naked with my laptop open to smut porn isn't acceptable. Sorry, mom.
My balls are so social today.
you dont remember trying to break dance in the middle of the casino floor on ur own throw up?
oh that explains alot.
You fell asleep mid BJ last night. I put your pants back on you. My ego is pretty bruised this morning.
All i remember was he was wearing billibong pants... well actually my mom found that out for me.
im sitting in the back of my pickup eating an artichoke. please come find me, im scared.
that was a mass text, wasnt it?
I booked us a cruise for November. Lose 20 pounds and don't cheat on me before then.
Just blew a perc off the traytable on my flight, spring break has begun!!
Showerbowl immediately followed by pullups naked. I feel like fucking Tarzan
I cried and ate like 6 tacos in the taco bell parking lot at almost midnight, sober, alone, listening to a demi lavato cd. And that was the good part.
What people don't tell you about near death experiences is they give you a full on chub
You know it was a good night when you're lying on the couch in your pjs at 4pm having a pitcher of ice water for breakfast.
That's the 2nd med student that has had his tongue in my butthole, what gives.
So I fell alseep while I was motorboating that girl last night infront of the entire party.
Randomize
