I hate your face
We're talking about addictions in class and there's a girl 2 rows in front of me on Farmville. Hello, example.
sitting in room practicing taking shots. has my life come to this?
Watching a deaf couple have an argument in the mall. Can't bring myself to look away.
Either way I should probably pregame on the plane
shes in my pool wearing only floaties on her arms ill have to raincheck watching march madness with you guys sorry
She shouted out halfway through "that costume does nothing to hide your cock". Last time we let her drink at the theatre.
I woke up with flowers, a tiara & pasta salad in my bed. Tequila makes me act like a fat Disney princess
I forgot how easy it is to have sex in public when you're wearing a dress. Thank you global warming.
It was weird, because he kept shaking his head like he was motorboating me...but on my vagina.
I found you walking along the street hammered. You walked up said hi and handed me a beer.
It's a good thing you're straight. You'd make a horrible lesbian.
A relationship is waiting for him to fall asleep so you can cum (finally!) while watching porn
Why do I always have at least 8 men with whom I am conducting some sort of poorly planned love experiment?
Every dick I’ve had or wanted in the last year is married. It’s like I became a professional home wrecker after I graduated.
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