I woke up with my face in a pile of pancakes and 3000 mistakes.
walked into the kitchen nd asked my mom what smells like tuna she replies" your sister" now i cant eat tuna...EVER!!!
I just saw some girl with the liscense plate "OBVIII"...I never wanted to get in a car accident so badly.
Santa Clause just drove by me on a fire truck. Epic night begins.
I DONT WANT TO PLUS I THINK I FLUSHED MY KEYS DOWN THE TOILET WHILE I WAS PEEING
Im not spending 10 to get hit on by potential transexuals even if they are cuter than most of the girls I dated.
the outcome of this sandwich determines whether or not i do anything else with my day..
Can't. I took a Viagra to make sure I wouldnt leave the room so I might actually study.
Exactly, there's no such thing as commitment at foam n' glow
dude i'm so hungover my hair hurts
My bathroom smells like artichokes and absinthe. I am naming a perfume after you and using the money to buy new towels.
There is nothing worse then the feeling after you've held in farts all night..
What's his name?
Can't tell if waking up covered in easy mac is the sign of an amazing or terrible night
I feel like sleeping with foreign people is a long term investment. It's like a time share. Now when I go to London I have a place to stay.
Your friend was nice but you didn't have to bang her in my kitchen...just sayin.
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