Desperate + desperate does not equal a fun night.
I don't have any food so I made a martini so I could eat the olives. Don't tell me I can't think outside the box.
guy in front of me at the pharmacy just asked the pharmacist for 2 Plan B's and replied with, "If your wondering, then yes I did have a threesome. It was amazing".
I was informed that last night we held hands while puking on the curb outside the bar.
We just have a real special relationship.
My boyfriend sold my favorite shoes right off my fucking feet last night outside the bar. It might have played a part in our breakup today.
You rode your bike four miles to my house. Yelled "I'm so high!" Then crashed into his car. It's a problem.
I found my spirit animal in the shower. It's a sloth/bear that lives in my chest.
im pretty sure the interns at this hospital have gotten hotter
It happened to me once. But i washed off in a duck pond and walked home naked.
He fingered me in a Waffle House bathroom and then stole a traffic cone. Is this love that I'm feeling?
I just noped my wife on Tinder. Turns out I was the second one to find out that we both have it.
It was great. He never spoke.
That's not why it was great, just that's all I remember.
As he put it in he shouted "geronimo!"
Wow... So was the sex good?
Yeah but it doesn't matter. My vagina is not a pool.
I just found your shirt hanging in a tree 4 blocks from the party...in the opposite direction of your house. where are you going?
Who's phone is in my pants and why did I wake up clutching a handle of vlad?
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