It wouldn't matter if you are Jesus Christ himself, you are not getting into the bar tonight
Woke up this morning 8 levels higher in Call of Duty then when I started drinking... told you I was better when I was drunk.
if you really think there are plastic pots safe for the stove i fear for your future landlords.
She ate the cookie then went to the emergency room. Now her fam is pressing charges. Don't people understand you DON'T steal baked goods from potheads??
I'm figuring, since someone shoved pizza crust in my ear last night, there might be some leftover pizza.
Slowly realizing that my only incentive to bathe is shower beer
The two of us decided to throw a spur-of-the-moment parade and the next thing I know we're 4 miles down the road being followed by 65 drunk strangers
I just saw a stripper light her nipples on fire. Im terrified and impressed all at the same time
How much more is Amanda Bynes going to rip out our hearts?!?!?
Is it completely inappropriate to base my morning after pill purchase on if they sell coffee or not?
I DID NOT GO INTO HOURS OF STRENUOUS LABOR FOR YOU TO LOOK LIKE A DOMINATRIX BARMAID ON A WEEKDAY. AT LEAST SAVE IT FOR THE WEEKEND GDI.
If you were to to ask if I just hid 4 shooters or Jameson it my bra and panties the anwer would be yes, yes I did
If you wanna fuck the pudding, fuck the pudding. Just not the chocolate, Im gonna eat that.
It's confirmed. I have two dates on Saturday, and they are both named Mike.
We could just go to Vegas and celebrate my singlehood and not contributing to the population.
Randomize
