allegedly i woke up at 5am sat in the dishwasher and peed
he said i was weird because i want to have sex in public places.
i dont think thats weird i think thats fun
i forgot to tell you, he fell asleep outside my house again last night, but im weird
last night i used 411 to try and contact britney spears.
dollar well spent
Dear yesterdays makeup, Thank you for always being there when I stay up late binge drinking on weeknights and am running late to work Friday morning. You're the best.
Friends are holding an intervention and have no idea this gatorade is half vodka. This is gonna be the best intervention ever.
the snow is so cold on my vagina.
why do you have snow on your vagina?
vodka and heels.
If I have to go to the hospital can we stop by the liquor store on the way?
I'm at about main and main street
Btw, do you want me to fix this with a box of wine and a chick flick or is this more of a 'lets head to the strip club' problem? I'm just trying to analyze the emotional depth of the situation.
I know it was a good night because I got a lecture from my roommates mom about stranger danger
Hey you're my best friend, I'm sorry I picked my vagina over my heart last night.
First day in a very long time I've done more pushups than bong rips
Pretty sure the waitress here is concerned about well being bc I've been here drinking by myself for 3 hours. If only I could show here FB so she'd know I'm not alone...
I feel like sleeping with foreign people is a long term investment. It's like a time share. Now when I go to London I have a place to stay.
i can believe you didnt get any, i was wing-girling the shit out of him
all you did was repeatedly scream GET IT IN
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