You surviving the open bar?
Super asto ex polenta omaha botad
Keeping my bail papers as a souvenir from when I was arrested. Too weird?
I may have just googled Muppet Treasure Island drinking game
I don't think the TSA agent thought getting iced while searching my bag was as funny as I did.
I chased a girl up a staircase screaming because she had a cardboard cut out of James Dean which, at the time, I believed to my friend being held against his will
My vibrator challenges you to a duel.
Just lifeguarded a kid's party hungover so I could afford to go out drinking tonight. Circle of life shit goin on here.
My fridge broke, and apparently the back is missing. The repair guy just fixed it with a pizza box. I didn't ask where the box came from, but it wasn't mine. Reason #20 why rent is cheap.
I feel like he better crank it up to level RG IV tomorrow. It's the fucking playoffs.
How's the hangover?
I've been begging my dog to mercy kill me for over an hour. He has this look like he might do it, you know, as my best friend should.
I consider any night I don't make out with someone a bad night. So I've been great.
Giving the guy pizza was a good idea. Leaving him naked on the pool table makes you my hero
If there aren't any tits where you are, you're doing it wrong.
i'm eating chex mix in the shower while texting. i feel accomplished.
hey sweets how's ur crotch today?
Randomize
