I feel like my nuva ring should have a vibrating switch.
he had a TATTOO on his FACE. a tattoo on your face basically says "i've gone as far in society as i'd like to."
i just entered cocaine into my calorie counter.
I mean, once you get beat with a dildo you can't look at someone the same
Do you remember calling me a cuntasaurus rex last night?
Come on. I'll make you hot pockets. Literally and sexually.
Don't get me wrong, I love talking about lube and such, but why are we?
Handcuffs are allowed in carry on luggage :) just checked
We are trying to penis chicken awkward them out. But I think it's a gay wedding. Backfiring. Heavily.
My dad is blowing up my phone with pictures from the midget wrestling match.
Holy shit, did you actually CHOOSE to get hit by the alcohol truck last night?
I sleep better at night when I win things. I never really weep for others.
Threesomes are not as fun as you'd think. I left with a black eye and I'm not sure who's to blame.
Interesting, I was always told to run away from crazy, but you seem to think we should run towards them dick first.
I was sleeping and woke up in the bathroom already puking like i slept walk. Perrrrrrfect.
Randomize
