cynthia nixon should never get laid more than me
I never thought I'd hear the words "aww you pulled out" and "you're so sweet" in the same sentence.
Biggest lesson I have learned in college: Drink if you are happy. Drink more if you aren't.
I don't think you'd be able to understand Inception if you weren't high...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I woke up wearing nothing but his lifeguard whistle..
I don't talk to her anymore. I lit her birthday presents on fire. Who the fuck puts candles that close to tissue paper?
He tried to cuddle with me after we hooked up and i just looked at him and said why are you still here?
I legit just woke up on my couch, snuggled up next to some guy who's wearing my roommate's pink bathroble. What the fuck do they put in those shots?
Was booty called last night and I was so blacked out that my roomie made me puke before going to "eye of the tiger." Why I'm still single is beyond me
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm crying at a bar by myself drinking a pear martini drawing things dicks are scared of. How was your day?
How is your new roommate working out
We are drinking at the laundromat. And will probably have sex later. So...pretty good.
If blow jobs were a super power she'd be in the Justice League.
I will buy you batman underwear babe. I'll make sure you wear them every time we have to adult.
When she's hammered the amount of alliteration that comes out of her mouth is amazing.
I just wrote a self loathing message to self, wrapped my credit card in it, put it in an envelope, sealed it with another hate messame, and put it in my lock box. So. That's where I'm at.
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