He came in the heat vent in my car. Don't ask how it happened.
I am gunna fuck the accent right out of her mouth
I have a spoon shaped bruise on my ass...
He looked at me and said "Last call" before putting his penis away into his boxers
And i didn't ask you to do that, You showed your penis at your own free will.
Going to.goingto.gtoing to DIE DIE DIEEEE......i feel like everyeone impotrant in my life like MLK is judging me.... saddd day
I know and I love you for your valets putting your thong on your seat
I just called the on campus pharmacy and asked the pharmacist to tell me how each one of my medications will react with "excess alcohol consumption". And I'm not even ashamed...I've reached a new low.
that was THE gayest party i've ever been to
To be fair, the theme was Cabaret. I don't know what you were expecting.
You know you're baked when you feel your throat closing up from an allergic reaction to the pecans in the cookie you're eating but you keep eating the damn cookie.
I think there's an ice cream truck out back, but there's no way I can get pants on in time to catch it
He yearns for your heart.
He needs to stop being a pussy about it.
The more time I spend surrounded by Mormons, the more I miss alcohol.
This bitch goes out driving during the nor'easter to get her ass eaten.. that’s dedication
to be fair i didnt know she wanted to sleep with me
WHY THE FUCK ELSE WOULD SHE DRAG A STRAIGT MAN INTO A VICTORIA'S SECRET CHANGEROOM GODDAMMIT
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