it wasnt like "sexy" or whatever. like...she was smiling just standing there butt ass naked
tasteful.
Do you know any thirteen year old jewish kids? I'm looking for a party.
thing about being the result of a teen pregnancy is that all my baby pictures are of my mom and dad holding me around their stoned college friends.
i have at this current moment imbibed enough alcohol to float immerse or otherwise submerge a goat of respectable size. tequila
It's like all my brain cells are screaming at me.
I'm dying.
They ran out of ice at the party, so I fixed my drink with frozen broccoli....the show must go on!
if i ever wake up in the morning and don't feel a boner in my asscrack then this relationship is over
idk the fact that her roommate had a sign that said "enter without knock, exit without cock" makes me really NOT want to go steal her pot.
so you ordered business cards online last night with a picture of your dick on them. you need to hide that new credit card when you drink
Thanks for launching me off you reverse cowgirl. I think I chipped a tooth.
I should not be allowed to be in possession of a fifth and a phone at the same time.
He's nice and all but I think I rather masturbate my way to happiness instead.
There was already gay porn open on my laptop with a tiny carrot cake, a bottle of water, and a note saying "I love you, Sober Me."
Drunk me just hits it and quits it.
The progression was banging a stripper banging an unemployed stripper banging a sexual entrepreneur quarantining with benefits totally fucking whipped. Get it right dude
Just walked into the supermarket puking into a plastic bag while wearing my favorite Bob Ross shirt. I am a human disaster.
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