We had like 4 guys come over and buy us all drinks as an excuse to hit on Kendra. Hanging out with her is now officially fiscally responsible.
i havent had this much fun since the last time i farted and it created a boner.
And next time, don't pick a fight with me when you're naked. That's just not fair
I can't leave. She doesn't trust me and my penis being out in the world without supervision.
The second I saw you stumbling down the stairs in a princess crown, I knew I had a friend for life.
Pitchers of shots should be outlawed. I've puked more than i've breathed in the past half hour.
There were midgets. And vodka. If you don't appreciate the awesomeness of that sentence, read it again.
How do you say "get out of my apartment" in Spanish. No time to explain, just tell me.
They ran out of ice at the party, so I fixed my drink with frozen broccoli....the show must go on!
I just passed a truck with its bed lined with a tarp and filled with water with six dudes chilling in the back driving through campus. That looks fun.
She has that type of face she reminds me of that weird girl from napoleon dynamite only taller and with hoop earrings.
Ice cream and condoms, solid grocery store trip
I will pay you in sex, beer and popcorn if you will come fold my clothes for me.
Add free use of your panini press and its a deal.
Deal.
some kid just came up 2 me bleeding yelling "thats how u riot"
Excuse me I just made a hot pocket without burning down the house, I think i can do anything.
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