Would it be weird if I brought slabs of bacon with me to the beach?
My mom gets in bar fights. She doesn't go to bed early.
I would dunk an oreo in her breast milk
Somehow I gave him blood blisters on his dick...I don't know if I'm that good or that bad.
You should know me better than that. I don't whore around. I promise this is a blowjobs only kind of trip.
he couldnt get it up, so i stole his lighter. i needed to have some reason to say the night wasnt wasted
Listen up tinkerbell, You're gonna come to the bar, hit on some fat chicks, and step up when I punch someone in the face.
Ok so in the last 18 months I have now driven four different dudes into counseling. I'm like heroin with a vagina.
So high I started thinking my desktop picture of a cat was too erotic for the workplace.
Toppless hop-scotch needs to become a competitive sport
My roommates said duck dynasty was stupid ... toto i don't believe we're in kansas anymore.
Urgent. Do not ignore. What does this "=$" shit mean. Quality foreign dick is at stake here
I wanna get a tattoo next to my tattoo that says, my ex did this so don't fucking ask
His dog ate the vibrator. The WHOLE vibrator. We spend the morning after trying to make it vomit up the battery. Why does this always happen to me?
Got upgraded to First Class and now I’ve got the whole Pacific Ocean to seduce the very hot gentleman sitting next to me!!! Door closing, wish me luck!
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