How many times do you have to sleep with a guy before you get him to kiss you???
Sometimes I forget to take my socks off when I masturbate. This always makes me feel like I'm accidentally in a porn.
apparently i traded the tiffany necklace my mom bought me for 2 shots and next in line for beer pong at the frat.
Turns out they use me as an example of What Not To Do at freshman orientation. My little brother told me.
Atty had lunch with DA and confirmed I am not the target of the investigation. No word on anything else
She dresses cool and she's mean. And she has fake boobs I feel like I can relate to her on so many levels.
I was unconscious Saturday for like 6 hours after I passed out on the sidewalks of our nation's capital. Thank you America, for bottomless brunch.
No amount of beer will make me feel better about this. It's time for Emergency Whisky
It could happen. I haven't creeped the rest of the guest list yet.
Just creeped. Everyone is a passable 7. Orgy is a go!
You know what I realized today? That my biggest regret of freshman year was ditching you and that foam party to have a one night stand with a skinny jean wearing vocal major.
I am concerned for your priorities but also really flattered. Flattery wins
If I die on my walk home, please come claim the body. There is $30 in my left shoe for you....for pizza
Perfect. I'll put on my party clothes and write emergency numbers on my arm
I told him I thought I was pregnant and he told me he accidentally killed my bird.
Circle of life.
And, by “make you dinner” I mean “have lots of sex and multiple orgasms.” So you should probably eat something and before you come over
And hydrate too
I kinda realized titty fucking is purely for our enjoyment, they dont really get much out of it, except for a guy sitting on them and and a dick bouncing of their chin
Randomize
