At a sweet 16. cant remember what shirt im wearing byt dnt worry im not sleeping w/ the guy who serves the chicken nuggets again
I just drove by a church. On the sign out front was written 'crocodile cock'. On both sides.
Would it be inappropriate to do lines in front of the cable guy?
just walked past a girl in her cap and gown puking her brains out beside a tree. her friends were taking pictures of her.
You know what sound is wonderful for a hangover? Listening to the horns from the South Africans at the world cup
Watching Blossom reruns on YouTube. Eating Pringles dipped in hot chocolate. Not taking this breakup well.
Thanksgiving Shitshow: My grandparents found me passed out on the bathroom floor wearing nothing but a scarf made of toilet paper
He is just lying there. People are throwing money onto his chest as they walk by...
I have green food coloring in my hair and just got a text from "Guy in the Yard"...so this morning is going just as you might imagine.
Apparently love is stronger than SoCo
I'm not gonna get my cat high anymore because what if he has a heart attack. I don't want to be responsible for that shit
I blacked out at work again... Except this time my boss watched me throw up by the bus stop and some woman let me sleep on her shoulder for an hour. Why does this keep happening?
I despise everything about her. Except her tits.
someone at the bars was yelling at the bouncer to let him in because he "just passed through the 7 levels of the candy cane forrest" soulmate?
go meet him and give him your number.
I'm too horny to sleep. I need some violent sex to wind me down.
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