Don't really want to talk about it. You were right. She had a whole jar of toenail clippings on her nightstand that she chews on "when her fingernails are too short." Direct quote.
Remind me if I threw up on you last night or if that was just a dream.
I just threw up blood. Also i just remembered i got hit in the face with a 2 by 4.
I drove your lawn mower home. Hope you don't need it tonight. I'll bring it over tomorrow.
I will pee on everything he values.
Woke up this morning with my period. Saw a commercial for the beginning of Shark Week. I see what you did there, Mother Nature. My pad's off to you.
My boobs are feeling quite sensitive so I told them, " you is smart, you is kind, you is important" that should do the trick.
Smoked a joint with my old camp counselor and now we're going to a strip club. There is a god.
Just used an eyelash curler to open my beer since I didn't have a bottle opener. Things are starting to look up.
Idk I wanna make it till midnight but I also want tequila
The fact that you got a stranger guy to buy you a pizza off tinder makes me feel amazing
We drove through Taco-Bell on our way to the ER
If I could go one week without being called a maneater or a spanish trolip that would be great.
Wait, but now I'm curious. In what position were y'all when the cops came? Were you guys butt ass naked in the car? 😂😂
I have to start drinking water I have a drug test to fail at 1:40
Randomize
