ya know if you hadnt broke up with me, that porno we made wouldnt have a 3.3 rating on youporn right now...
Turns out he's not gay. He just didn't know how else to say he's not into me. He just hit on my sister.
Michael Bay diarrhea
You leave a trail of fuck everywhere you go
I can't believe we just used the phrase "jizz to juice ratio" in casual conversation.
Wow that was a lesbian tornado.
I'm promising sexual favors in return for his responsible life decisions. Now THIS is growing up.
Please come and rip my uterus out before it does it itself
Being the only woman in a triathlon group - it's a penis paradise.
My fake id got more birthday sex than I've had in my life.
It's a low moment when you're looking at your girlfriends tits on your daughter's phone..
I don't care that you had sex on my bed. I care that you used my lollipop condom. I was saving that for a special occasion
It was a special occasion. Your best friend had crazy awesome sex on your bed. Thank you
I don't particularly remember setting a firecracker off in my hand. No more tequila.
I realized my soar muscles form the shape of me leaning over a toilet
You showed up at 4 am holding a beer and wearing a wig you apparently found in the dumpster.
That explains some things...
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