If he comes back to you and I'm left alone in lonelytown I'm totally going to poo on your car.
you just kept bragging about how there was a "pretty large" chance that you had pooped on the same toilet as George Clooney
I just took my birth control on the way to class with a 1/2 melted jello shot I happened to find in my purse from Friday night. I told you I was going hard this year.
If you were curious as to how many pounds of bagged marijuana can fit in the trunk of a 2010 Chevrolet Aveo, we now have the answer
all i could think about while he was eating me out was how pretty his eyelashes were
Wow just saw this. Nothing like a little anal sex to ring in 2012.
And now she's hand feeding me pork rines and showing me her angry birds high scores. This is Vegas.
blowjobs from left handed girls are noticably better than from righties. these are the most important things I've learned this semester
Just came so hard my back cracked. Other women are totally missing out if they don't masturbate.
I apparently got up in the middle of the night after fucking him and started looking for you under piles of his clothing
THERE IS A VERY SMALL CHILD YELLING OUTSIDE OF MY DOOR. THE NEXT TIME YOU TELL ME YOUR TOO BIG FOR A CONDOM I'M GOING TO PUNCH YOU IN THE DICK.
he was wearing a widestriped red gingham suit jacket with complete sincerity im not surprised she beat the shit out of him
It says something about our relationship that he stole your phone to tell me about his dick at 3am and neither of us realized that wasn't you until just now
I'm laying in bed cuddling with my teddy bear and eating waffles. I need a fucking boyfriend
Today I made my parents proud-spent the afternoon floating around in their pool drinking beer-which I would ask my nephews to get for me out of the fridge
I came and sneezed at the same time. Words can't describe how awesome it was.
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