did i leave my keys in your car? BTW: sorry for throwing that drink on your date.
So how was last night?
Let's just say I danced with the devil
Huh?
I'm going to Hell for sure
I just saw a guy wearing a tuxedo shirt under his overalls. That is true iowa class right there
I'm naming my child veloci raptor. And you can be a part of its life if you want. But that's its name. Cause i have the vagina.
So at this point...I'm sure you heard the story about Saturday night
took 4 advil with a shot of vodka, figure i'd try to save myself now
Picture this: me driving down 183 throwing up into a towel. I just hit rock bottom.
Bisexual Viking-cowboy hybrid is at the bar again
Dibsssss
He purred while eating me out. HE PURRED AND I LIKED IT.
So, I'm drinking, and I put my head down in the table. The cat jumped up to check on me, I have a cat sober monitor.
Nope I went the fuck home like an adult
His roommates came in the room and were throwing snowballs at us while we were hooking up.
Keywords: shitstorm, police, jail.
Is it weird that I have your number saved in my phone as baby Jesus?
He woke me up at 6:30 to have sex again and afterwards, he didn't even judge me when I asked him if he wanted some rum. I think I found my soulmate.
Randomize
