Dude also, my grandma got me condoms for easter and kind of winked. I don't know what to think
What makeup look will say to the therapist 'I am a smart, well-adjusted young woman'?
he made his penis look like a sprinkler when he was coming. it was pretty cool actually.
You know you're a whore when you color code your calendar with who you slept with on what day incase you have ANOTHER pregnancy scare
I was looking at your puke while I was peeing in it the next morning and that ceasar salad did not treat you well
First time on E and Chris took me to a petsmart during puppy day. I might die of pure awesomeness.
I can already see the regret in her eyes. Amazing night. This city rules.
Now I'm heckling that my belch is more exciting than their fireworks and I peed down the driveway.
you really need to remember next time not to write your name and phone number on the paper its wrapped in.
But what if it got lost?
its illegal. you dont want people to contact you if they find it.
I think this bruise on my arm is actually an impression of your face
As we were leaving a memorial service last night he turns to me and says, is it too soon for a post funeral blowie?
It doesn't matter how nice the shirt you wore to the bar was, you still shouldn't have worn it to a job interview
If he isn’t into CosPlay he will be after tonight. That naughty nurse outfit heals broken hearts
Soon to be ex is nowhere to be found. Her attorney/new BF just showed up. 30 minutes late looking hungover. Pretty sure I'm getting the kids AND the house!
Drinking is such a hassle. I wish I could just press a button and be drunk.
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