My recently uploaded pictures to facebook: Me partying on Beale St. with a single girl on each arm. Ex's recently upload pictures: Several pictures of cats. I win.
he asked if thats how we do it in the states..like there's cultural difference in fucking between canada and the us..
I feel like my whole life has been one big pre-game for Mexico.
He said I taste like butterscotch, licked me, then I'm pretty sure he wet his pants. So no, I do not want to invite him over.
best friends dont let best friends get an STD of the eyeball just saying
Please explain why there is a video of you peeing in the Taco Bell bathroom on my phone? Also why did you wink at the end?
She looks like she smells of sausage, sunblock and sorrow.
Holy hangover, going dancing with family good idea, taking the last shot with the transvestite bar owner not so much...
I broke my arm trying to do a hand stand in my shower to wash the hate out of my asshole.
Planning a foam party. Swimsuits are mandatory, and please no granny suits. If you wear a granny suit I will stick you in the corner and put a cone hat on your head.
well what the fuck is the POINT of teetotal mardi gras
I just walked through the door and she ran up to me, hugged me, unzipped my pants and immediately started sucking my dick. Good day.
Apparently he got pepper spray on his dick. So he's a literal fire crotch.
I miss my bedroom and my bed and being able to spray myself with my choice of 15 different perfumes so I don't have to wake up to the smell of my past sins
dont go in the freezer to fetch your weed. my vibrator may or may not be in there. not sayin, just sayin
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