She took her shirt off and was broader than Dwight Howard.
Do you have a shampoo for semen
Or a time machine
i an so hammered right now. I'm about to pass out but i just found the lion king dvd and i'm so happy words don't even describe.
I'm gonna name my first kid mufasa regardless if It's a boy or girl
Little spoons don't ask big questions
My boobs are too big for things to be going this downhill in my life.
That still doesn't explain why you thought it was a good idea to paint a cow on my guitar
Apparantly 7 1/2 Vicodin is a 1/2 too many.
I seem to remember you being very disappointed that drinking Michelob Ultra didn't give you magic powers.
WHATEVER CLASS IS PLAYING "TOOT IT AND BOOT IT" AT 8:30 IN THE MORNING, I WANT IN.
Traded my phone for pizza, then got it back this morning....successful night
Are you high?
The snorkel mask makes that pretty clear
just woke up on a lounge chair wearing a durag and holding burrito wrappers in my hands
Also, being stuck with my family all week has made it very clear that I need to be drunk and I need to be fucked pronto
You rinsed the beer pong ball off in my White Russian
I'm at her wedding and she managed to get every single one night stand I ever had in her wedding party. Why does she hate me?
Randomize
