Picture the opening band right now: euro, beer guts, one member in oversized hipster lumberjack apparel, the other in childsized american apparel and shorts. Singing in german.
The world would be so much better with thought bubbles.
counting down the days left of school on my birth control packet.
Then I received a text in French, that roughly translated to "all you'll ever be good for is sex on the Internet"
When I came home you were using a glowstick to eat peanut butter from the jar.
I can see why you broke up with her now... it was like having sex with a corpse.
Drunkenly auctioned off my bed for 3 tequila shots
Sometimes I wonder why I hang out with you. And then you show up half naked at my door with a half gal of vodka, and I remember why.
I was really disturbed by what initially appeared to be a dismembered head sitting beside you. Then I realized you were laying on her body.
On my way to the DMV to get arrested
I feel as if we moved beyond the hook up stage when she blew me as I drunkenly finished my chicken nuggets.
I fell asleep in the tanning bed, naked, for an hour and a half and I guess they couldn't wake me up so they called the fire department...and they came in while I was passed out naked...
That hot guy just got to class and he's eating a bagel sandwich. I dunno which I'm more attracted to
She wore her engagement ring the whole time we fucked. I hate her fiancee, so it was cool
I got so drunk I thought my tennis court was a corn field so I laid in it and ate pizza
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