Third unemployed latin in my bed this week. I'm on a roll
My gyno actually laughed when I told her about his penis size.
I'm sorry, but you without makeup is like christmas without presents.
Just ate lunch with a paperclip again. Seriously, need to invest in plastic forks.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She wrote me a poem titled "Penis Flower" and it wasnt a joke
i saw a stretcher and literally ran around for 10 minutes telling people it wasnt for me
i just realized that im half way to my goal of puking in every single toilet on our floor
I am never taking advice from you again. The high heels in the shower were a bad idea. I orgasmed and almost drowned.
omg i met someone at the bar who sells hair feathers. that are long. saved in my phone as "haiirs deather"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Listen, it's not like I meant to bust the window out. It just sort of happened. And I'm also sorry for stealing your dads bandanas.
Moral of the story: don't have drunken shower sex with the lights off...or you WILL break your foot. And the shower knobs.
Walking out of the bathroom and not knowing you have hand soap on the front of your pants so it looks like you blew a load on yourself really sets the tone for the rest of the week...
Is it ok that I asked him half way through sex why he hadn't accepted my friend request yet?
I'm drunkenly throwing popcorn at a spider, fuck him. Why does his scary 8 legs get to be happy?
I really wish you were home bc youre the only friend I could ask to use an at home waxing kit on my vagina. I need you.
Randomize