Spotted: jayne dropping her cigarettes in a puddle...then picking them back up and putting them in her pocket. If i ever get that desperate, stop talking to me
It's just like soggy cereal, but cancerous
i thought he was 22...he said he was 25..he was 19...im 26..it doesnt count if you dont know right?
just passed a tour group on my way home. the guide actually said: 'and THAT kids is whats known as the walk of shame'
she doesn't hate you. She just thinks you need a personality adjustment, speech therapy and weight watchers.
We were so tired we rock paper scissored for who would be on top. I won.
Hey man thanks for carrying me in and out of that frat house. There's no I in team.
I feel like I should come with a warning like "Orgasm free since 1983"
BEST FEELING EVER: Standing in a hot fucking shower, while super baked, while eating a cookie.
You eat cookies in the shower?
That was like a fiery explosion of flailing arms and wonderful passion
It's because of weed that I don't mind driving an hour to visit my family. And it's because of you that there's weed in my life. Thank you.
Here's to not getting arrested this year on thanksgiving again. Cheers bitches!
Do you know this guy sitting in front of us? Asking for my vagina.
Two of my dealers just made friends at this party. Do you think one will be pissed if I buy from the other or should I just go 50/50?
You just kept telling everyone to call you MFT.. Mother Fucking Tornado.
I didn't know it was possible and I don't know if I'll ever be able to do it again on my own but he literally fuck me sideways.
Randomize
