my boobs are a 3G dead zone. as soon as i take my phone out of my bra, it has a signal again.
Remember when I use to call my dick 'the pendulum'
wtf?
It is now the artist formerly known as 'insideyourgirlfriend'
So there is a guy driving a robot around the college of engineering selling energy drinks
All she said was "the usual?" and unzipped my pants.
I'm pretty sure that I'm earning a horrible reputation with your friends, but I'm having a fucking great time in the process.
at least the cop wrote "happy birthday" on the ticket.
Speaking of testosterone. I saw a girl with a moustache thicker than one I can grow last night...
There was a reason God said "Let there be titties" on the Fifth Day.
Quick how do you hit on a guy in the car behind you? It's important.
come home. I need you. I'm too hungover to deal with this hangover alone
just woke up and currently drinking copious amounts of eggnog straight from the carton to replenish the electrolytes lost last night
He called my boobs fluffy. Part sexy part pilsbury dough boy. Part sexy pilsbury dough boy. I'm so confused. And flattered?
They offered me pot brownies in 7 minutes flat. Imagine my horror when I had to be like, are those gluten free?
It's bullshittery. It's asshattery. It's complete fuckery at its finest.
I just learned that the grill marks on a Burger King burger patty are actually previously burnt on there with a radioactive spray-on liquid and McDonald's french fries are actually 5% potato.
Randomize
