So I don't have any furniture but we just skateboard drunk around the floor.
i have a food baby... i think its a boy...
I promise you I could read that dogs mind, he was arguing with the other dog saying he knows how fucked up I am
she reminds me of the first time i discovered masturbation. that's how you know it's true love.
That was a $3000 rug we rolled him down the hill in.
The last thing I remember is feeding country fried steak to my best friend in a bubble bath with my bare hands.
I can dry shave vagina like a champ
It's 4 am here and I just vomited myself awake....Not rising OR shining any time soon
I mean it's a good blow job, but it's not worth the four hour round trip.
So hungover and decided to eat a burrito and a pot brownie for dinner, this is what adulthood looks like.
Goodnight Shia. Goodnight Moon.
I've never had someone have to dis-arm themselves before I sucked their dick prior to that
I come into the house and he's fucking doing karaoke by himself... Lady gaga
"hahahaha" is not a sufficient reply when I tell you my mother laughed at a joke about me giving blowjobs.
i walked into her house and she introduced me to her family. i dont think she understands the term booty call
Randomize
