My penis is bigger than his and I don't even have a penis.
beer pong: waldo and ernie vs. bacon and eggs... i love halloween
then she said she was half-a-virgin and that she would appreciate it if i would finish what her old booty call started
and being hungover still at 4 in the afternoon is NOT "having allergies"
Uh oh. Middle aged belly dancers. And they just got out swords. Shit is about to get real.
Right when he gets off the plane they're going straight to a party where you're only allowed in with a bottle of whisky and they are given bullet proof vests.
I just met his other fuck buddy...I am thinking of befriending her just to fuck with him...manuplating my roommates into hating each other is boring me i need something else to do
I think people like me is why alcohol became illegal at one point
Hostess is going out of business we'll never survive the apocalypse
I went eBay shopping last night. Turns out I brought a Viking drinking horn. I can't even be mad.
We couldn't find the paddle I had gotten so he just spanked with my tennis raquet
Apparently mid making out I got up and said "I need to figure out my life" went in the bathroom and threw up for two hours.
I'm smoking and watching the Muppets Treasure Island. Where are you?
Something about that statement reminds me just how much of a role model you are, sis.
This is a life or shit situation. Grab me toilet paper asap. This bathroom is fucking out. This is not a test. This an actual emergency and I am not joking.
I could hear it slapping against his thighs under the robe!!!!!!!!! You are a lucky girl!
Randomize
