I just walked into the kitchen and my dad was having this uber serious convo
With himself
he just told me about his fetish for rubbing grape jelly on his penis.
sorry i interrupted the heart to heart you were having with your bathrobe last night
distance makes the heart seek blowjobs from girls that are closer i heard.
I pretty much have hash tequila and gelato for dinner every night
as of this morning I have officially vommed on the highways of 6 different countries. It's a proud moment.
What are you doing and how can I add sex in there
Sorry was covered in semen when you texted me. Just walking back from the Harvard Club
All you needed to say was one of those sentences and the other would've been implied.
Omg the world wants us to be better people
I refuse
fuck emotions I should've gotten more cats
I puked in the back of my mom's new car because I had too much to drink at Chilis. I think I just hit rock bottom.
Hey buddy, turns out those were the PB&shroomwiches, soooo you may want to reconsider dinner with your girlfriends family tonight...
She asked what a chaser is. I died a little inside, please come back..
Dude, what the hell where you thinking last night
Welllllll basically they were like "challenge" and I was like "accepted"
I woke up in my bed with candy and beer bottles all around me and i dont know where any of it came from. I love valentines day.
Randomize
