This girl is more easily done than said...
Iced coffee. Banana. Two dumps. Life is good.
He just spent five minutes trying to sling shot a cheese-it off his dick and into my mouth.
explain to me why "crisis hotline lolz" is in my contacts?
The bubbles in my bathtub are singing to me in german....
This is worse that I thought. He's playing violin for me.
I had to carry you down because your legs weren't moving anymore but you were carrying the weights you stole from that guys room... and that's where the bruises came from.
well we called the liquor store to tell them to stay open five more minutes so we could make it and they recognized our voices. I've never been more proud.
You just can't finish a sentence that starts with "I may have drunk peed in the bed" with "do you mind if I skip work and sleep here?" Anyways, yeah still drunk at work.
Great sex, the promise of us mixing our excellent genetics in the future, and access to drugs are mainly what's holding this relationship together at the moment
This lady gave me four cups to go along with my gallon of daiquiri. Silly girl, all I need is a straw.
Naked and Afraid: Hangover edition
Shia just rubbed his beard the way I do all the time and maybe he's my soul sister. This live stream is life changing.
theres a canoe in our lawn. we dont own a canoe.
it was the only safe place
I think the night went to shit after he started sweating and crying about a taco he dropped on the ground 3 years ago. No more blind dates
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