Cold hands, warm shart.
I hate when laundry day is determined by the number of cum stains on my bed
The best part about the NBA starting up is I get to see Charles Barkley make a fool out of himself for 8 months
the people next to us in line are buying a 12 pack and a snuggie
Haha im sorry. Its just financially responsiable to bang him instead of you right now.
Things found in my vomit last night: cell phone, Von Hayes rookie card, a boot, my dignity
Apparently I fed my Plan B to my turtle last night.
Its like after 6 beers, the clap doesn't scare me anymore.
Announcement: Given the sad circumstances regarding the death of my dearest friend Chong the Bong, there will be a brief memorial service for him tomorrow evening at 10:30 at my place. After sharing some memories and sending his spirit off to the great bowl in the sky, we will all take place in the commemoration and maiden voyage of his son, Chong Squared, who eagerly waits to meet all of you. High blessings to you all, piece be with you.
I didnt want you guys to know I needed to puke, so I just nonchalantly did in my solo cup and threw it out the window
I just had the weirdest moment. Made eye contact at the bar with a girl who has seen my vagina.
Ran into his sister at the gym and hit it in the parking lot. I dont even feel like a bad friend she got a boob job and lost 20 lbs its not even the same sister
Your friends are scaring the cats so I'm going to smoke weed with them to call them down.
4 pharmacies and not one had Plan B. If this is gods way of telling me it's time for a child, he can fuck off.
i showed up really high and was trying to not be,so in order to not seem high, i got plastered
Randomize
