on the way to work, i saw an empty wine bottle sitting in the middle of an intersection. i thought of you.
i can respect that.
I feel like I should I write an apology note to the frat for falling down stairs, passing out on the couch, and chugging the entire bottle of burnetts at semiforml last weekend. Apparently I was the main topic of discussion at their chapter meeting last night.
Last night I ate parmesan cheese straight out of the container while watching Chelsea Lately. Look at what happens to me when you leave.
this isnt the first time ive seen her dressed as abe lincoln
Unless you can cure my hangover with your penis I'm not interested.
If I come back covered in mud topless and banging on your door, please have a warm towel ready for me
I saw someone get arrested while I was moving out...this has to be a good sign.
I saw a 60 yr old mans penis last night. Just for the record.
WHAT THE FUCK. SUCH A BAD IDEA. YOU'RE NO LONGER IN CHARGE OF NOSE SUBSTANCES.
She walks around topless and loves making sandwiches. That's how a one-night stand turned intoa relationship
Got drunkdialed by my estranged mom while wallowing in pinkeye drinking 100 proof eating ramen alone. Year summed up perfectly.
I have a burn on my hand, I'm covered in bruises, I think my toe is broken, and I have no clothes to wear home.
Woke up. Found about 20 condoms upstairs. A hole in the couch. Bread on the floor. Going back to sleep.
We spent our last night together taking turns vomiting in the bathroom. I'd say it was a romantic trip.
You are currently doing Harry Potter spells with the turkey-baster...
Randomize
