I feel great
I just peed on a car
you know that dress I got margarita and puke on? yeah, just returned it.
Watching Blossom reruns on YouTube. Eating Pringles dipped in hot chocolate. Not taking this breakup well.
She nearly killed the mood when she said "Don't cum on my spray tan"
Not quite sure what happened last night. I'll drive your dresser over to you later.....
My mom woke me up in a bubble bath this morning.
Apple trackpads and semen don't mix. On the way to the Apple Store.
Also, my drunkenly packed sleepover kit consisted of a singular sock, my uncharged laptop, and a pack of post-it notes.
I also turned off the Anchorman DVD start menu before cause I didn't want Will Ferrel watching me lose my virginity.
MAN I GOT NO SLEEP AND HAD A BREAKFAST OF SKITTLES AND ASPIRIN. I'M LIVING THE LIFE.
My night was too much. My morning is even more. Help. I need to teleport the fuck out of here.
It was bitter sweet because I woke him up with sex but then I peed in his bed with him in it
We had a One Night Stand 6 months ago but he just Facebook invited me to his wedding. Who the fuck does that.
He said he's in to distance fucking. I thought he just mean long durations. We fucked on a towel all the way down his tile hallway accross his kitchen and into the living room
I mean, I already hooked up with her boyfriend. The least I can do is accept her facebook friend request.
Randomize
