it was worse than that time i tried giving evan head 4 days post nose job.
Sarah Palin just quit. Happy Independence day!
God Bless America!
I am at a bar watching a rat tail get braided.
Last night drunk me texted a sure to be hungover me my class schedule and locations for today. I'm like a mom preparing her child for the first day of school
Um, yeah. You lit my birthday candles with a joint. Mom= not happy.
What are you doing? Did I punch you in the face last night?
I kept reassuring him that I was easy like Sunday morning, not easy like "I've had 6 shots of tequila and haven't had sex in three months"
You emptied out your taco and asked the lady for a refill...and then you continued to carry out a full conversation SCREAMING
Apparently it is impossible to get kicked out of taco bell....I'll try harder next time
i decided if i had to, i could survive with only 3 fingers on each hand.
apparently I stole your wolf lighter. probably bc you made me howl while you puked over your deck railing.
Leaving my wallet at work and not going out to drink tonight...SIGN FROM THE UNIVERSE.
there is absolutely nothing wrong with two grown men staying up all night blowing lines drinking white wine and playing call of duty. don't judge me
I threw up in a pringles can. how do you think my night went.
I'm trying to puke quietly so i don't ruin my grandma's birthday/my graduation brunch. And you say i need to grow up.
I have this vague feeling that I was involved in a dance off with a homeless man?
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