can't wait for January to be Over so I don't have to see all the fat resolutionists working out.
we ran out of wine so you tried to make some by throwing grapes and nail polish remover in a blender.
Kinda felt bad though cuz she whimpered and shuttered a lot, i felt like i was kicking a puppy, only the puppy liked it and came a bunch
I think he'd cut a tree down for me. He's from North Dakota. That's something hot guys do there, right?
I don't know what he did but now I'm terrified of mustache rides and it's only movember 3rd
She wasnt impressed wen i brought a guy for her back with me, a 3am impromptu sperm donor is not a gd birthday present. Im a bad gf.
Bloody Mary Monday just took a turn for the worst... Just had a heart to heart talk with the cat about it's obsession with chewing on cardboard.... Time for a nap.
Where the hell did all of these gingers come from? It's like they crawled out of their shame-caves for st Patrick's day.
No, they seem attractive after SIX beers, after three they're just the gender you're looking for.
I have no idea what that means but I'm googling things just so I can watch my thumbs move
He's easy on the eyes, light on his feet, and rough in bed...what more could a girl ask for in a rebound?
I can now say I know getting hit in the face with a flying tortilla is not fun
i'm bringing homemade birthday cake and homegrown weed. how awesome is this text?
Nothing says “I spent too much in Vegas” quite like eating a jar of pickles for dinner and planning on cream of celery soup for breakfast tomorrow.
Newest quarantine problem - I’ve watched all of the porn. Like everything on the the internet, all the DVDs, mags, VR, leisure suit Larry all of it and I’m still horny af
Randomize
