Dude judst bought snd smokked tfour white widoew jointsd in Asmsterdam. Wstching the Cvhiefs gsme. Oh Boy.
You are why other countries hate Americans. But I say God bless you.
I woke up this morning with a bag of pepperonis in my bed.... and my facebook status was "pepperonis"
He won't talk to me. He'll only communicate using scissors
I Never golf you the sypdu of andrew. The one o will marry. The one j plwgded my last breath up. The one I pledged everything I live forbworh to. I love him more than life itself
Played "Which Couple Will Take Me Home Tonight" at the bar last night... I can now cross three-some off my bucket list
I just feel like Im gonna be remembered as that one RA guy that used to sell weed
We bought home drug tests to see which of us could make it look more like a kaleidoscope. What happened to the days of innocent fun trying to best everyone with a breathalyzer?
I am wearing two different shoes and just swallowed my gum. Wake the fuck up and bang the bartender already.
I'm obsessing over hocus pocus right now. What if I change my Grindr profile to "come little children, I'll take thee away to a land of enchantment"
I cannot even describe to you the most amazing ass I have ever had the pleasure of seeing walk up the stairs in front of me just now.
I asked my mom if she could pick up something for me to drink since we ran out of orange juice and she goes "We have beer, champagne, and baileys. Drink one of those."
The bros used their bong water as pong water but I walked in mid game and didn't know so they hit our first cup and I chugged it.
I had tater tots and weed with a stripper at 4am who compared the size of my boob to her head because fuck you my life rocks
What. The. Fuck.
You'll have to be more specific. I do a lot of "what the fuck" kind of stuff
You know it's a good May 2-4 when it involves 14 straight hours of vodka slush and garlic bread
Randomize
