And now we're talking about squeezing babies out of vaginas...
she's like bobby knight all she does is scream and point
ive come to the point where weve hung out more times sober than drunk. i think im growing up. fuck.
Everything was good until you pulled the bartenders hair because she cut you off
So my date night ended with us watching porn with his roommate.
his dick makes me think maybe a monogamous relationship forever is possible.
so far we have 6 big wheels and 10 boxes of wine for the tour de franzia. team drunkslut is favored to win the yellow jersey.
Any clothing i put on is too many clothes.
When we got home I apparently addressed everyone as 'peasant' since it was my birthday, this followed by me demanding for my "peasants to wash me".
Funny how I'm trusting a magic 8 ball I found in the kids toy section to tell me about my sex life
Fyi, shaking your genitals at me doesn't count as "trying to have sex".
I woke up this morning with my hand on his dick. That sneaky bastard.
Is it ironic that our divorce court is a block from where we had our reception? Or is it just sad? Alanis has confused my understanding of irony.
I shaved my asshole for this. That's real dedication.
He's hot, clean, can actually cook, and best of all isn't a narcissistic prick. I found a unicorn.
Ride that fucker.
Randomize
