I woke up in a stranger's bathtub with a broken shower curtain as my blanket.
I'm proud of us, I'm cleaning up the place and I haven't found a single beer can that isn't empty.
She posts like 3 statuses a day pleading for pity. Responding positively would be like giving a dog a treat for shitting on the floor.
have the fact that the early bird is danced upon by the prettiest strippers be your motivation
We still going to Happy Hour
Idk. I can't because it doesn't fit in my schedule of sleeping or throwing up
at the hospital. the stripper fell on his face when she was trying to grab the dollar bill out of his mouth with her ass. broken nose for sure.
Never visiting again. You guys drink like immortals
well in DOG beers, i've only had one
Look man, sometimes you just gotta say "Sure! Why not? I can always take a shower afterwards"
So I was trying to finish off that sick uv whipped and I chased it with yogurt. Not a good idea
Is it bad that I've been making new friends through your vagina networking? I don't think so
Your life is quite full of dick lately.
It really is!
We've been fucking like crazy ever since she quit her job..ive been running errands all day to stay out of the house and give my dick a day of rest
I hate my life now
I wrote notes to myself all over my body. "don't yell at cops again" "Cody stole your phone" "you kissed Cody" "vodka shots are bad for your liver" and "cactus pretty" WTF????
FINE I guess I'll just drink regular coke like a PLEBIAN.
Randomize
