Dude sorry i couldnt seem to spell any words right in the texts i sent you last night
I felt like a fucking code breaker.
We made a drinking game out of poaching eggs. When did our life turn into a really awesome version of Top Chef?
i was so drunk he made me beileve the song was called "thanksgiving sex."
I got drunk and applied for two credit cards last night. About to find out if anyone in this world is still dumb enough to give me credit.
you fucking puked into the top of the beer bong while i was chugging from it. when i realized i was chugging your vomit, i vomitted on the floor. she kicked us both out.
Well, let's be honest here. You're dealing with gay guys... EVERYTHING has an emotional attachment.
is cock-oriented a word? I'd say I'm that lately.
I can trace it back to that drunken night where we peed on each other in the shower.
We convinced you to take a shot out of the sponge...there were still suds in it.
I am now trying to reassure her that she doesn't have a wide-set vagina. So thanks, for whatever you said.
When you get home there will be live fish in the bathtub. I did not put live fish in the bathtub.
Just shaved my crotch so I could call it the bald eagle. Happy 4th.
If you feel frisky later I have a cowboy hat that would look great on you naked...
Who is this......
Let me get this straight. You stopped mid foreplay to shave your legs?
Um yeah. I wasn't about to shave them if nothing was happening. And I have HBO. It's not like he's the victim here.
Is it bad form to puke out of a dorm window to avoid looking bad in front of the people in your room?
How about from a sixth floor window?
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