Just saw a midget shotgun a coors light
So ps i'm not pregnant with any athletes illegitimate children : )
Thanks for putting the blue stuff in the toilet, it made me throwing up this morning more enjoyable.
At a Jewish lesbian wedding. I stick out like a sore, uncircumcised penis.
Just woke up to my stoned boyfriend building a shrine around my bare ass. He'll never leave me.
Can't promise anything, there's vodka in my thermos
Nothing bonds a father and daughter like washing her puke off the front steps
I mean there are things broken right and left, I woke up surrounded by dog statues, and we had a vodka bubble bath.
I think we have it figured out.. She's my wife when she's here and gives me advise on how to get ass when she's 1500 miles away.
Wanna bang and Pregame work? I know you're the manager just promise to not fire me
I'm now forever going to blame miss frizzle for making me the sexual deviant that I am today
No my problem is I'm working and its a beautiful Saturday. I should be recovering from a hangover and out golfing. Fuck responsibility. I miss college.
I'd give my right arm to start my period. My right arm. Thats more significant then my left.
I WANT GRASS AND TREES NOT SOMEONE SWINGING A SWORD AROUND
Not gonna make it. His stripper neighbors are playing a Super Bowl drinking game that involves removing my clothes
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