I'm eating all of the evidence.
You can only be slapped by Eastern European waitresses so many times. I guess they don't want my huge cock in their iron curtain
No idea how i never noticed that penis before. I wonder if it works
I was desperate so I downed my birth control with balsamic vinaigrette...
gpnpr hd vmdd nm the ggrl whm was mn my lar
I need you to use more vowels.
when i tried to put the condom on he started screaming about how he didn't want his groceries bagged
So I passed out with my boxers on in the hotel jacuzzi at 5am.. The manager who kicked me out was pretty cute so I left my name and number for her at the front desk. I'm giving it a 50/50 she calls.
I feel like just to watch it, I need to be high. To understand it, I'd need enough drugs to kill an elephant.
direct quote from andrew "you know i can't hear when i drink whiskey"
I'm not going to say what I did. You're smart enough to figure it out. But I did it. And you owe me 20$
He woke me up, handed me a ringing phone and said break up w her for me. That hung over.
I'm sitting here with a heating pad and a fan on me eating snow caps off of my boobs
There's hope in those eyes, for a better tomorrow or more cocaine, we may never know, but there's hope.
Are you telling me right now that the weed man sexted you?
THE WEED MAN SEXTED ME!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Damn, I just did coke with a dude in a bathroom and after he took his dick out right in front of me and took a piss. What a power move.
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