Two kids are drinking pounders in class. I think I'm hanging out with the wrong group of friends.
so he made me dinner last pm @whch point i askd if i could help out. he hands me his fucking laundry and asks me 2 do it
only you. it could only happen to you.
...And then you kept screaming "cock mouth" in her face every time she tried to talk.
Morning yack off the fire escape. Girl walking by was mortified. Gooooooooo Ducks!!
I want to be you.
Apparently he took me home and I pulled up my senior pictures on fbook and made him guess what I was thinking during each different pose.
It's like god touched my soul and said 'you will be great in bed'
He has a lot of emotional energy invested in your vagina.
There was no eligible dick at the ER. I'm pissed. Looks like "Searching for Strange at the Local Free Clinic" is a no go for the name of our first full length album. On the other hand, I got a dilaudid shot and I no longer feel like I have the worst bladder infection of my life.
I woke up in a tow truck cuddling plan b. Can you pick me up?
I met a pornstar at his bachelor party and signed his shirt giving him wedding advice
stop falling asleep in the bathtub. you are not a movie star, you cannot die that way.
(440): please tell me you didn't have sex in my dress.. IT'S A VIRGIN DRESS.
Just so you know, it is really hard to rehydrate when everything is spiked with everclear.
Just in case you forgot, you puked all over your boss house, pissed on his coffee table, and were then thrown out by his wife
She made kool-aid with tequila instead of water and rolled a blunt about the size of an Oscar Mayer hot dog. Best blind date I've ever had. I think I will love her tell my dieing day!
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