You gave me the wrong number last night so I texted someone else something I definitely shouldn't have.
I woke up with my face in a pile of pancakes and 3000 mistakes.
I'm so excited for this wedding, I feel like a school girl about to get finger launched on the dance floor at the sadie hawkins dance
Apparently faking a threesome isn't as much fun as you'd think
there are seriously like six guinea pigs in my bathtub right now
She was adopted and used to dance at Sapphire. just my speed.
He googled "how long will i be drunk" and just started crying
Question: rebounding with your exboyfriend over your rebound guy is healthy right?
I already googled the effects of Molly with my antibiotics, I should be fine.
Why is there even a knowledge base for that?!
I woke up this morning to a lot of blurry photos of a swan i must have chased down the riverbank and a handbag full of loose haribo.
Bro, you're like, my right testicle. Can't go anywhere without you.
Note to self. The tub labelled "not water" does not contain water.
If she "comes out" to me I guess I'll high five her. That's pretty much my response to everything these days.
I can't wait to get to LA so I can punch her in the face
Also, asking the guy who just told you he is crippled on edibles to watch your kid is probably frowned upon by most
Randomize
