I did a mental Irish jig when he pulled out the second condom.
He managed to light the Jello on fire...
Ive been home for 20 minutes and I'm already in bed with a vodka tonic
I bought a dress specifically for face plant durability... this is how serious I am about my drunk status this weekend
You bit the bartender when he refused to poor rum in your purse and hand you a straw.
He once got bit in the face by a dog and still got laid the same night. He owns Memorial Day Weekend
Don't make this awkward for me. Don't let your mom come near the bathroom. I can't meet your mom for the first time while I'm shitting. Dont make this awkward.
FridayRule: If it takes you longer than 5 minutes to find a parking spot, you don't have class today
I'm studying. And by studying I mean I am laying on my floor drinking boones farm alone. Last two weeks. Fuck it.
I've come to realize that I need a break from life when I just tried to use my address numbers as the cook time on the microwave
How the hell could he be confused. He had a naked girl running to him. I feel like he would enjoy that.
Happy Father's Day to the first man I called Daddy while cumming.
Remind me to tell you about this weekend with them. It was the least fun I have ever had drinking. And I have thrown up pork and beer through my nose on the side of the freeway.
where are you guys?
stoned at his house watching water boil
I either have food poisoning or I'm pregnant. Either way, I NEED JESUS!
Randomize
