dude i dont realllllly have to fuck her do i? its just a mess down there and i think im gonna cry
For some reason fuck navy didn't go over quite as well as say fuck michigan;
the first call I got in the morning was from visa fraud prevention so yeah it was one of those nights
I have now hooked up with 8 of the Apostles. I have no idea where I'm going to find a guy named Bartholomew.
I just banged your sister. Thats what you get for takibg my lunch money in 2 grade, boom, boom fiyyaa powaa
Girl on the bus just slammed her book shut, turned to me and said "I'm way to fucking high to be studying"
Maybe tomorrow I'll be drunk again and can provide you with texts at a more reasonable hour. Here's hoping. GOodnight. Tebow loves you
How many tongue depressors should I need to steal from urgent care to make samurai armor?
It only takes one line of cocaine, and you try to shotput a fucking kitchen table
Apparently I have decided there are no repercussions for my actions
He asked me if I want to play Uber Driver, is this some new sex game or is he drunk and asking for a ride home?
if i ever get to the point where i am moaning when i pee, please do the honorable thing and kill me.
Did he hurt you? I have a crowbar I can beat his sorry ass with
Also I think I set a new personal record. Definitely slept with him less than 45 minutes after meeting him. Oh god my life.
The hangover struggle is to real, just passed the drive thru window. Twice.
Randomize
