well after he sqeezed a zit off his forearm i got the hell outta there
That's the last time we joust in Radio Flyer wagons after margarita night.
This girl brought half a watermelon to class. I want to be on her level.
She told me I was lying in front of her toilet for an hour saying "lasers."
For future reference "I'm too drunk to come today" is an acceptable line to get out of work. I love my job
There are several different types of life sentences in my purse right now.
Sorry, all I could picture was you jamming your dick into a lemon.
Last night all you did was whine about how you needed something new and exciting
Is THAT why I woke up with dreadlocks?
We're gonna be late. Scott went too far predrinking amd tried pierce his own lip with a poptab. Save me a beer, i'm gonna need it.
Your next boyfriend should be from MENSA...you're so smart, it's intimidating as fuck. My penis retracted in fear.
I'm sorry that running around town like a frenetic wombat trying to find you KY jelly isn't good enough for you.
Went home last night with that hot British guy. Sounded like I was f-ing in a Harry Potter movie.
Woke up with a grilled cheese in my hand, it was like god giving me a high five for the night before
Donated a pint of blood at 6 and pub crawl started at 7. Thank your lucky stars I'm still alive today.
They got skeletons in the booths to enforce social distancing.
Thought they were weekend at berniesing that shit at first.
Randomize
