its good she wears the same dress to all the weddings so we can track how fat she's really gotten
so glad i banged her when she was skinny
HOLY SHIT! Did you see the dick on that Great White Shark?!?!?!
i broke up with my boyfriend last night because i had to eat a freezy pop in every color and he ate the last blue one. i sat on the floor and cried for an hour at least. everyone left. so i decided that this whole weed thing isnt really healthy for my relationships.
I woke up this morning with a bag of pepperonis in my bed.... and my facebook status was "pepperonis"
If Bret Micheals dies..will VH1 have to go off the air?
we've started having sober sex
you really do like him
Just had a flashback of you announcing "your nipples aren't that big for the size of your boobs, I've seen them"
he needs to hurry and make his mind up... i mean i can't keep getting peed on by a guy who isn't even my boyfriend
Do you have any idea how horrifying it is to hear your sister and her husband fucking then immediately go down stairs only to hear your parents fucking....... I wish I was Hellen Keller right now.
He drank his beer out of his own shoe. Its his "party trick"
I feel like at this point in my life I should be dating someone who doesn't run out of all his money on Mondays and have to wait til fridy to buy his weed
I'm sitting here listening to fat joe and doing kegels I have given up
Can you confirm that you aren't dead?
He was all “please don’t bail because I’m missing work for this” last night
Honey no, I need dick. I’m not going to bail
It’s like a sexy version of those choose your own adventure books from when we were kids. No matter what you choose, there will be penis!
Randomize
