So I had sex in the woods... it was just as dirty as you'd expect it would be.. and not in a good way.
I drank enough to make her look pretty . . It worked and i threw up while going at it
I was gonna make fun of her but that plan kinda stopped once she put my dick in her mouth
we took turns throwing up in the kitchen sink last night...no i am not doing the dishes
You would think that an uncircumcised man would understand how the hood of a clit works.
So currently I have a block of cheese duct taped to my air conditioner in lieu of a fridge.
so you told her it was a 'nam scar? i mean, how old does she think you are.
It's "your husband had his mouth on my vagina" awkward.
Sorry I dragged you across a parking lot
I'll be visiting the rave tower. Prepare your finest boxed wines for my consumption.
just chugging fertility tea and vodka, no big deal.
woke with Taco Bell next to me in bed and people's shoe sizes written on my arm.
I wrote a list of things I enjoy doing. So far it says "get high and go to museums."
My roommate made maccoroni last nigh dropped the bowl off the counter knocking it into the dog bowl he picked up the dog bowl and started eating it claiming it was te worst Mac and cheese ever and if he wasnt so high he would stop eating it hahahaha
the voting booth dude cock blocked me or she woulda totally blown me in the voting booth.
Randomize
