you're like the Neil Armstrong of terrible hookups, you are a pioneer
Just saw a squirrel crossing the road in a crosswalk..my morning has improved exponentially.
he was pretty good aside from the whole putting his tongue on my butt thing
It's 10am. I'm hungover wearing a flyers jersey and a phillies hat and eating a cheesesteak. I'm not the only one. Best city ever.
tell that swedish kid i didnt take his shotgun. he GAVE it to me.
Its a Guy he gets weed for. I'm kinda confused as to why there are going to even be tuxedos involved at all.
Mid way while flirting with this super hot chick at the bar, he gets up and says no thanks I'm only 19 and gay just waiting for my buddy to hurry up and get with your friend.
You know how there are wrinkles in your brain? What if they were filled with potato chips? That's kind of how my head feels now.
my friend thinks you're hot & wants to fuck you ps i'm my friend
Dad had me doing shots of chocolate mint Everclear last night. I've never felt closer to him.
As a heterosexual male nursing student, the odds are ever in my favor. My first semester has basically been The Horny Games. I've killed almost all of the competitors at this point.
his mom called during sex and he made me talk to her I think we're getting serious
I'm tryna think of an appropriate time to say "when I suck other dicks they seem like training dicks compared to yours" but I really can't think of a good way to say that
I just want a relatively mentally stable guy with tattoos and facial hair that loves Captain America as much as I do and will fuck me the way I deserve to be fucked, is that too much to ask for?
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
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