Is it bad that Pitbull has taught me more Spanish than high school did?
The drink u got me is pineapple something w. Cigarete ashes in it.ima drink it anyway
Motor boating, judging by the amount of lipstick I found I would say between 6 to 8 times
i'm pretty sure i lost all sex appeal when he caught me peeing in his bushes
I'm doing shots of crown out of a baby bottle. My friends are sensational parents.
did anyone else see me puking into my coat sleeve?
We started telling people we were married, and then we hooked up on a park bench
she slipped a pinky in my ass. Not sure if I came because I liked it or if I was terrified by it.
I drove 5 hours to see her. She thanked me by getting shitfaced, inviting her boyfriend over, and making me sleep on the couch after I cooked for them and did the dishes. You're right. I'm a fucking doormat.
How is it that I, the only one that didn't drink last night, was the only one puking out the car window?
Her son walked in on us and asked if he could "wrestle too."
I love him about as much as I'd love fucking myself with a cactus.
You still owe me one bodily function mess clean up.
You pee on the floor one time and you never hear the end of it...
DO NOT FUCK YOUR ENGAGED GAY NEIGHBOR!
Memeber that time you got detained in Poland. We don’t talk about that enough
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