I am in shape. i keep telling you that.
Round is not "in shape," it's "a shape."
then they high fived as they party boyed me. I was a policewoman sandwhich. I love you halloween.
she has tattoo'd to her hips "grip here" this is why they made spring break
Just saw a baby with a T-shirt that read "I am the result of my mother forgetting to take her magic pills". I can't believe they make shit like that.
He sent me a picture of his dick with a cowboy hat on it.
I don't give a damn about what he wants to do with his life. Personalities are for pussies.
I let him fuck me in a batman costume. Don't talk to me about needing to read fifty shades gray.
I'm pretty sure I did the Macarena with a gay guy while shot gunning a beer
direct quote from andrew "you know i can't hear when i drink whiskey"
Watched an eagle swoop down and eat a rabbit on my walk back from your place, literally too high to handle this right now
You was so high that you insisted that you heard someone whistle, then you insisted they was trapped in the wall!
This is a weird combination of planning and sexting but whatever
Alan said you can come over and eat me out anytime you want, as long as we give him enough notice to hide in the closet before we arrive
He gave me a back massage while we were fucking.
Did you get that?
WHILE WE WERE FUCKING.
I haven’t been this excited since I found out they sold cases of Jack Daniels.
Randomize
