i soberly give you permission to do that to me when im drunk
this is like her 8th guy since december, is she wasn't frumpy people would call her a whore
all we did was drink wine and talk about how people who dont have facebook dont exist.
his extensive knowledge of the age of consent laws kinda scares me....
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I need to do something profound in the next three and a half years so that when my kids ask what I did in my twenties I have something to say other than "made bad decisions"
I'm so incredibly high right now the fact I am texting is nothing short of miraculous. Call the Pope. Hell make me Saint Roy, patron of stoners.
Full disclosure. I fucked the fatty from work and shit is weird now.
And then he dove into my vagina like scrooge mcduck into a room of gold
I made it crystal clear I'm only upset because he's not anywhere fit to be a father of my unborn zygote
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Enough talk of my burning loins. How is your day?
Yes. I'm realizing that sports games are good reasons to drink. I just cheer when everyone else cheers.
RICK BROUGHT THE HOT BARTENDER HOME. SOMEONE CALL THE FIRE DEPARTMENT, CUZ RICKYS ON FIIIIIIIRE.
lmao nvm she punched him in the face and left
Does it look too obvious if I buy wine and candles!?! In my defense there is a gigantic snow storm coming.
You were so drunk last night that you fell thru the bathroom door at the bar, ripping it off the hinges in the process. But, your birthday tiara stayed on thru the whole thing. I'd call it a succcessful evening. Happy birthday kiddo!
Totes just ripped ass and the bartender's eyes got wet
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