..i think i can hear you losing your virginity
i'm 6 minutes and 3 drinks deep before she gets here. she's do-able for a wednesday night, but i still need to mentally prepare, ya know?
I feel like vodka or no vodka, you'd still be trying to button your cat into your comforter
animal crackers drenched in taco bell mild sauce... surprisingly delightful
breakfast of champions
breakfast of stoners
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I distinctly remember calling the anesthesiologist a "sneaky little bastard" directly to his face
My roommate is either deadlifting a bus or having sex. I can't tell which
Y'all best leave this "I can only have a couple drinks" shit at the door. U don't drive to Yukon to have a shot. I'm getting u fuckers drunk.
Do you remember our dinosaur noises from last night ? Breaaaahhhhhppp
Maybe next year when I'm 30 I will be over puking at lunch on Fridays. Maybe
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This doesn't mean I'm going to attempt to find happiness with smooshy dick
I was like, booze is the closest thing I have to a father. Don't pour daddy down the sink
He told me I was a good dog mom. I've never been so turned on in my life
I just saw your brother in some random persons yard climbing a tree. Just saying.
Probably on drugs.
It took me an hour to walk from my drive way to my front door... what the fuck was in that weed?
wait you like me?? for my personality??
I know I was surprised too
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